Babies
by Vietta
Summary: Rude is used to Reno's antics and can usually ignore them, but this time he's frightened out of his mind. Gift fic for Geovanni Eklipz.


**Author's Note: Well, I was talking to my good buddy Geovanni Eklipz and we began discussing m-preg for some reason. I said I didn't like and then I came up with this story…. Well Geo-E, I hope this makes you giggle!**

**After almost two weeks of not being able to write I might be a bit rusty, so please forgive any errors in this, pretty please? Also, forgive them but point them out so I know xD**

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Rude shifted uncomfortably, the shift the first movement he had made in almost ten minutes. The office he shared with Reno was quiet and Rude could feel that his impressive amount of patience was beginning to dwindle and fray. Reno hadn't done anything all day except sit in his chair and stare at Rude unblinkingly. The only thing that let Rude know Reno hadn't simply died where he sat being the steady rise and fall of his chest as he leaned his chin on his hand and trained large blue eyes on the side of Rude's head. Rude could stand the silence; he actually reveled in the silence. The silence made him happy. What he couldn't stand was the staring. The wide blue eyes focused on him were unrelenting in their refusal to blink and Rude could see them twitch with dry discomfort even though they wouldn't close. The whites were tinged with red veins as the cool recycled air flowing through the office slowly sucked the moisture from the glassy orbs that were trying to bore a small hole into Rude's skull.

Rude sighed heavily and turned his attention onto Reno fully, abandoning the half done paperwork sitting in front of him that should have been sitting in front of Tseng three days ago. Reno didn't say anything as Rude met his pointed gaze, the twitching eyes still refusing to close. Rude quickly scrolled through everything he had done the day before, doing a mental check to make sure he hadn't managed to piss off or otherwise disturb the delicate temperament of his disturbingly hyperactive friend. He could think of nothing he had done that would have made Reno angry with him, but then again the smallest things seemed to set Reno off. However, since Reno usually had a very sinister smile curling the corners of his lips when he was plotting Rude could only assume that for once the red-head was thinking. Rude was fairly sure he preferred plotting Reno over contemplative Reno.

Reno continued to stare and Rude could feel worried sweat beginning to trail down his temple. The last time Reno had been so motionless and unresponsive three coffee pots had exploded in the break room and Rufus' pet canary had been completely stripped of all feathers and left to sit nude in its overly ornate cage. Reno had justified his actions by claiming t that he had been trying to help Rufus' bird stay cool since it was hot outside. The fact that Reno had shown up to work three days later with his jacket lined with the tiny soft feathers had surprised no one. The cut to Reno's paycheck hadn't surprised anyone either. Four days after the pay cut the canary had disappeared. After Reno's original pay had been reinstated and doubled the canary had returned with a friend. Rude was fairly sure Reno had planned the entire thing, but it was hard to tell which diabolical schemes were planned out and which ones were impulsive. Rude had a hunch that it was a mixture of the two.

Rude continued to stare back at Reno, willing the aching blue eyes to be blocked momentarily by the twitching lids. He was half-tempted to cross the office and press the eyes closed, but he knew better than to get within arm's reach of Reno. He cleared his throat pointedly and raised an inquisitive eyebrow to peek out from under his sunglasses and examine his disturbingly immobile friend. He wasn't sure how wise it was to break the silence, but he couldn't stand it any longer. "What?"

Reno's voice was pitchy, almost as if the red-head didn't know which emotion to use. "I had a dream last night."

Rude's shoulder's relaxed slightly, the tension leaving his body but not his mind. If Reno's behavior was something that could be blamed on a dream then he was relatively safe from any kind of punishment or retribution. "About?"

"We had babies." Reno's face finally registered an emotion and he giggled excitedly, his eyes squeezing shut at last.

Rude snorted lightly as he fought the urge to laugh. The fact that Reno was worked up over a dream didn't surprise him at all; more than once he had woken up to find the red-head curled up in his bed after breaking into his apartment because he was afraid of some imaginary creature from his dreams that was determined to pop out of his closet and eat him. "Babies?"

"Babies!" Reno beamed and spun his chair in small circles, his hands thrown up in the air as if he was celebrating. Rude raised an eyebrow, concern flooding his mind once more as Reno became animatedly excited. "They were such pretty babies Rude! I got really fat though 'cause you refused to be the pregnant one so I had to do it, but I didn't mind because I knew all the yucky fetus kicks in my belly were kicks of love! Then I had to pop 'em out but it didn't hurt 'cause the doctor pumped me full of drugs but you passed out 'cause there was lots of blood and then our babies popped out! We had three of 'em 'cause you're one fertile son of a bitch and they were all wrinkly and squishy!" Reno folded his arms as if he was holding one of his dream babies, the action making Rude feel even more uncomfortable. "We should have babies Rude. They'd be cute babies. I want babies. Babies are adorable. I want three babies because babies make me happy."

Rude subtly rolled his chair away from Reno as the red-head began rocking the imaginary baby cradled in his arms. "It's physically impossible for us to have babies."

The change in Reno's demeanor was immediate and drastic. His face fell as if it had been dropped from a ten story window and his lower lip protruded out so far it curled in on itself. The previously dry eyes began to water and the rocking arms stilled. Reno's voice wavered as he spoke. "You don't believe in our babies?"

Rude ran a hand over his face and inhaled sharply as Reno gave him the biggest saddest eyes he could make. He couldn't pretend to feel guilty about squashing Reno's dreams of babies; the idea of miniature humans running around with Reno's genes in their system was frightening. "No Reno, I don't believe in our babies."

Reno sniffed audibly and Rude swore he could hear the fat wet tear rolling down Reno's cheek. "Why not?"

"Because it's impossible for men to have babies!" Rude's exasperation was obvious in his tone and he refused to look at Reno as a few more tears rolled out of the corners on his now furiously blinking eyes. He now wished that he had never intruded upon the blissful silence and had braved the break room coffee machines instead. Hot scalding liquid drenching the front of his suit because of an exploding coffee pot would have been preferable to listening to Reno cry because he didn't want to make babies with him.

Reno sniffed and snuffled for a few minutes more, his lower lip trembling violently as he choked back piteous wails. Suddenly and without warning his pathetic sounds of sorrow stopped, his face going blank with shock as his lips curled upwards in a devious smile Rude knew all too well. "So if I could have babies you would make babies with me?"

Rude chuckled and resumed filing his paperwork, the idea too ridiculous for him to contemplate as he failed to notice the frightening gleam in Reno's eye. "Yes Reno if you could have babies I'd make babies with you."

Reno launched himself from his chair and planted a large wet kiss on Rude's cheek as he wrapped the large man in a hug. "Yay!" Reno detached himself from a very frightened looking Rude and rushed towards the door. "I'm sure Hojo can solve this problem. He knows how to make babies, right?"

Rude gaped in abject horror as Reno sprinted from the room with an excited giggle. He raised a trembling hand to his face and wiped the saliva from his cheek, worry and concern etched into every line of his face. He quickly grabbed his phone and dialed a memorized number, panic forcing his motions. When the receiver was picked up he blurted out into Tseng's ear. "Sir Reno wants me to make babies with him!"

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Author's Note2: xD Babies! I've been screaming/texting the word babies to people for almost an hour and I'm getting very confused responses. ^^


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